Soo... I had my first real evaluation yesterday.  Fourth job in my life, but first evaluation.  Been working the classifieds in a newspaper for a year.  Funny thing is, though its not been the worst job ever, I've been searching for "better" jobs and realize that these so called better jobs are not that much better at all.  One is a grunt at a lumber facility, another is a parts/warehouse spot for a local hardware parts supplier, and the best bet so far is basically being a hired back/ditch digger for a municipality.  Not really aiming the bar that high I realize, but also being realistic.  I was almost a high school drop out, whom had a short stint in the Navy, have a shabby driving record and whom has jumped around for the last couple of years.  Doesn't look so good on a resume for any position.

What really got me though, was when I was cascading through the BS of the Eval, the one question I've usually heard at make shift evals and interviews wasn't asked by them... Where do you see yourself in five years?  Instead, I found myself asking that question to yours truly.  And for once, it really struck me.  I've never looked to the future except for the next paycheck and maybe a laid back weekend.  Already I've stayed over a year in an area that I really don't care for.  If I wasn't bound by this gal I love, I'd had taken off a long time ago, but I'm pretty sure I'd still be facing the same predicament regardless.

I glimpsed upon a slew of "what ifs" while my two bosses rambled off seemingly false praise (even if it were real, wouldn't really matter... because of the hiring freeze no one is getting a raise anyhow and a pat on the back nor congratulatory speech will ease the ache of bills and taxes).  I saw myself working at a large zoo, taking care of animals and explaining their lives to curious visitors... I also saw myself working in a white lab, conditioning samples in petri dishes and studying traits under high powered, electric magnifying scopes... then I saw myself swathing paths through a jungle on the edge of the savanna, studying the animals and some of the ancient traditions still held dear by the local tribes... and finally I saw myself taking an extended vacation to Norway (hey, some people got Hawaii and the Mediterranean, I've got Norway... don't judge me monkey :p ).

I guess maybe I should start college.  Really hard though, admittedly because I really don't want to give up the few little and simple comforts I have now.  And to get a degree in a sort of biology (kinda obvious with the semi-epiphany there... 'cept for the savanna one, that might be a sociology sort... have no idea about Norway though, heheh) takes a lot more than just night/on-line classes.  And I don't have the time nor the funds to get started.  And this area's colleges are always seemingly on the line with whether or not they'll be offering certain courses or even stay accredited (though I thought once a school was accredited, it always was... hmm).

But if I keep on the path I'm on right now... I know I'll end up as maybe an assistant manager/ lead grunt for a company in which i'll just be looking for another job to jump to.

Kind of bums me out though, thinking about careers and what not.  Don't know about you, but I remember when i was a kid and a teenager I had a vivid imagination of having wild adventures and ruling my own lil piece of the world as soon as i was outta the house.  Remember when in the movies and stories, the year 2008 would have flying vehicles, mass space travel, wars that tore the world apart and new governments taken over.  Heheh... maybe next year.